Students reassured Russian sanctions will not affect price of Tamova vodka

Concerned British students have been reassured that sanctions taken against Russia will not affect the price of Tamova vodka, with the drink still available for a liver-watering £15 a litre at Aldi.

A spokesperson for the supermarket chain confirmed: "Fret yet not young people. You can still get badgered for a bargain during pre-gaming sessions of ring of fire. Despite it's name, Tamova is no more Russian than a Chuckle Brother and is in fact a blend of petrol and mouthwash brewed by a bloke called Gavin in a garden shed in Wallsall."