Merry Christmas! The 60 day festival of "Christmas" begins

British people have begun celebrating the sixty-day festival known as 'Christmas'.

With distant roots in Christianity, the festival sees Brits pay homage to Santa - The God of Presents - and commit as many acts of gluttony and greed as possible. Highlights of the festival include:

• 'Christmas' shopping - revellers scour the high street looking for thoughtful gifts for friends and family, before buying everyone Boots' toiletries sets.
• The John Lewis 'Christmas' advert - corporate sponsored propaganda centred around emotional blackmail and an unexpected song cover
• The office 'Christmas' party - a unique opportunity to shame oneself in front of colleagues and compromise future promotion prospects
• 'Christmas' Day - a day when families begin drinking at 9am, exchange toiletries sets and have a murderous-row over Pictionary

The festival will end on January 1st when worshippers traditionally begin a diet and buy a fitness DVD, before realising there are "loads of Quality Street left" and postpone their fast until February.