Boris Johnson keeps job despite his best efforts

“What do you have to do to get sacked around here?!” exclaimed Boris Johnson after keeping his job in Theresa May’s cabinet reshuffle.

Since taking the post Boris Johnson’s gaffes have included reciting a colonial poem in a Myanmar temple, severely worsening the situation for Iranian detainee Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe and described Africa as “that country”, to name but a few.

On hearing the news Boris Johnson sighed, “I just want to take up a role as chief-botherer from the back benches. I mean I’ve tried everything – it’s been one calamity after another – almost beyond a joke. I blame my father for putting in a good show on I’m a Celebrity”.