"Get twatted and play Articulate" - Theresa May reveals Christmas plans

In an exclusive interview, Theresa May has revealed she plans to go hard on the sherry while playing Articulate with Phillip this Christmas.

May revealed, "It's been a fucking stressful 12 months, the low point of which was having to appear on the One Show. So I just want to get absolutely twatted and lose my shit playing parlour games...after all, isn't that what Christmas is all about."

Elsewhere in the Tory party, Boris Johnson will be playing a special Johnson family-made version of Risk where British colonialism always triumphs and Jacob Rees-Mogg will be tucking into a donswanken (chicken, inside a swan, inside a donkey).